Something

This time of year always reminds me of the past. I remember the times when I would walk door to door asking for candy.  This year my friends and I put together a haunted house. Each kid was not a princess, witch, or superman this year. My AP Lit brain has taken over. Something inside me kept saying “analyze that character” and “look into the costume.” When I did that there were stories and views on life that had to be assumed. When I saw a princess I had to think of Cinderella and the psycho-analysis we did in class. Thanks Ms Clinch.

Friday’s seminar really got me thinking. At one point we were talking about whether or not Edna was a good mother. I believe she was because her kid’s life is probably a lot better and less stressful without her. She would have caused them to not have that mother figure they desire at such a young age and when you know your mom just does not want that it would be almost impossible to be okay with yourself. Also, she would have caused them to worry about her later on in life. She is not the mother figure that is helpful. It is definitely horrible to have a mother alive that is not present or caring for you instead of have a dead one, especially if the expectation of a mother was to provide for the children.

Poetry notebooks excite me. Today I read “Fairyland” by Edgar Allen Poe.  I really liked this line

“Again- again- again-

          Every moment of the night-

          Forever changing places-

          And they put out the star-light

          With the breath from their pale faces.

          About twelve by the moon-dial,

          One more filmy than the rest

          (A kind which, upon trial,

          They have found to be the best)”

What sticks out to me most about Poe is his ability to ad style and a sense of discovery through simply the structure of the poem. The way he uses repetition really adds the main idea of the poem. The dashes like the ones at the end of dial faces light and so on indicate a pause in between the two lines of the poem. The parenthesis at the end of this stanza that explain the previous description capture what that part of the poem was aiming to portray.

 I just love poetry. Poets amaze me with just about everything. I like the way they have a gift to go off such a small personal Idea and make it bugger. Everything they want to say can be explained in a couple of words on a page. Poets are lovely artists.

Music

My friend Ally Rhodes released an album on itunes today. So. I’m writing this blog 

in honor of her. One of the songs on her album is called gray it is about a lost love

 that she wishes were still happy and flowing. This song talks about how she

 wishes she “were still [his] favorite song” and that regardless of how long it’s been 

that she has not “faded to gray”. She sings that she notices “ashes where there used 

to be a fire” meaning that she see’s a loss of interest where there used to be flames 

and passion. Desire. Then she wonders if it was her that “smothered” his “glow”. 

Usually, when someone smothers the glow of a fire the light goes out and the night ends. 

I think this is saying that she feels she ended the relationship, killed the spark. 

One of the verses is 

“I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in

I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in”

When she says “Throwing melodies to the wind” she is hoping that somehow he will hear her again or that the melodies she sings with all the things he loves will draw him back in. this part of the song is repeated to show importance and desperation towards his return.

“I know it's quite the imposition

But if you had seen my condition

I think you'd understand why I couldn't stay

I hope i'm still your favorite song”

Right here she talks about how she knows it was a burden how it ended but she hopes he understands. If he had seen her in the state she was in he might have understood that she did it for him.

The timed writing today about the student and the teacher reminds me of this song because of the line that said

“Over this damp grave I speak the words of my love:
I, with no rights in this matter,
Neither father nor lover.”

Because in the song I feel that she is not quite sure of the state of their relationship.. Is she still his favorite song? And in the poem he questions what he was to Jane. He was not her father no lover. He had no recognition at the funeral or on the “tombstone”. He was not her anything. And he is just one of the people grieving. He wont get kind words “sorry for your loss” because to him, she was simply a sparrow. And to her he was just a teacher.

music

This weekend I went to Kansas City to visit the Art institute there. It was beautiful. It was weird though because as odd as it sounds I kept thinking about “the Awakening” in sort of a more personal way. For example, when my plane took off I definitely was imagining the same feeling Edna felt when she escaped into the water. Sure, it wasn’t as freeing as water, actually being cramped in the plane was quite the opposite, it was still leaving a town I was so tired of being. Kansas City Art Institute was, to an extent, my sea. With its emerging art and galleries, studio space, shopping, and its power and light district it was defiantly and awakening for me. Edna realized that she didn’t like how everyone in her town just followed the typical relationship between men and women. She experimented with different behaviors and ideas. Her society did not agree so she left. Now, I’m not saying that Alpharetta is not wonderful and a good place to live. But I crave variety and learning from others. So when I walked into Kansas City and saw all the different artists and types of buildings and all of this thriving art I loved it. It was like a form of medicine. I needed that inspiration and now, coming back here, I’ve realized that I love weirdos. You know, those people that Alpharetta people see and automatically think “oh no… don’t talk to them.  They look freaky.”  Those are my people; kind, good-hearted weirdo’s who all have some communal goal.

I feel that Edna’s awakening was the same type of thing. She hated the way Adele just catered to her families every need and how, like every other female, she was expected to have a perfect dinner ready and take care of the kids as the husband just goes out all of the time. It is like how in Alpharetta or just high school in general there is so much pressure to excel in math and science and art is sort of just skipped over. Seeing an art school made me realize that what I do is indeed important and that was extremely comforting. I think Edna was trying to find the comfort or freedom in not being tied down.

Also, on the plane I tried to read Love in the time of cholera. It was terrible, mostly because I do not like ooey- gooey love. Can you suggest a super depressing book please? Something raw or painstakingly heart breaking?

oh right.

So far in the awakening I have noticed a great deal of talk about the sea. It seems that the sea is where Edna ends up when she is longing for freedom. Whenever she needs relief from the reality of the Grand Isles vacation spot and lavish gatherings she looks towards the sea. In chapter six the sea is described as “sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace.” Edna feels this way about the ocean and it shows in many instances where she escapes reality.

            In chapter ten, Chopin talks about Edna’s desire to learn how to swim. I think that this is symbolizing that people who can “swim” are happy and people that are not able to swim, like her, are not free. Free meaning happy. Edna later learns to swim and feels so much freer and I think this connects to her obsession with the sea. The moment she stepped foot in the water “A feeling of exultation overtook her, as if some power of significant import had been given her to control the working of her body and her soul. She grew daring and reckless, overestimating her strength. She wanted to swim far out, where no woman had swum before.” Clearly, the sea makes her feel powerful even in such a vast scary place. She even looks back at the shore and thinks of her strength and what she has overcome in being different than society. She then feels a close encounter with death as she keeps her gaze on the people at the shore and how far she is. I think it is important that she notices how far she is and feels that encounter with death after she looks back at the people. I think this is much more than her just looking back at her friends. I think is is representative of her looking back at all the changes she has made and how different she is for wanting to be different and full of free thought. I think it is Edna wondering what people might think of her.

            “The water of the Gulf stretched out before her, gleaming with the million lights of the sun. The voice of the sea is seductive, never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander an abysses of solitude. All along the white beach, up and down, there was no living thing in sight. A bird with a broken wing was beating the air above, reeling, fluttering, circling disabled down, down to the water." The bird imagery is ‘setting up s picture that displays a free thing being not so free and failing at the sight of Edna’s freedom. The bird falls down into the terribly large trap. What is the brids trap is also Edna’s freedom.

            Re-reading this book I have noticed soo many more quotes and important things that I didn’t notice the first time I read it. I think I actually kind of like the book the second time around. It is magically tolerable this time around. J

Cinderella, Windows, and Taylor... Oh my!

I never really knew how much work gets put into a piece of art, a play, or a concert. I have always just figured it happened. When I was little my mother took me to a version of Cinderella at the Startime play theater. I loved it. The set was beautiful painted and the actors and actors were amazing. I thought they were the coolest people ever. Looking back on that know I am realizing how much effort the writer must out into a fairytale to make it magical and still have a meaning. Maybe it was not supposed to be magical but actually the opposite. I mean if it were just pretty, it would not mean anything. Maybe it is also meant to be seen from a psychological lense. That way the viewer gets a bigger idea out of the story or play. When you are a child you are charmed with her kindness to the animals and the fairytale love she gets to pursue. When you are a kid you wish your feet could slide into the glass slipper. That is what I always thought. But then, your lit teacher senior year has you read the story and analyze it using psychoanalysis. That magical idea of pumpkin carriges and prince charming is overridden with the idea thst Cinderella probably has a desire for a man in her life because she grew up without one. And that she hopes to be loved because she had such an abusive life. Its ironic really, how she had such a terrible childhood and is still nice to everyone.

            Last year when we read A Raisin in the Sun we paid so much attention to detail. I really think we talked about window symbolism for at least thirty minutes. At the time I though it was really weird to spend so much time talking about a window. Set design is so important to the entire meaning to the play, concert, or story. This weekend I went to the Taylor Swift concert. Most concerts I have been to have been just the artist on stage singing their top hits. Taylor changes that. She uses set design to make the song have a greater effect. During one song there were acrobats, another had fireworks, and the best thing was when she flew. During her song love story, a “Romeo and Juliet” type story, a nice caslte balcony starts moving through the arena. Everyone watches in anticipation as this balcony continues to make its way towards the stage. As it lands on the stage, Taylor pops out in a white dress and steps onto the balcony. Two girls on the stage watch her as she flys off into the crowd while singing love story. It was very effective. It makes you think more about what she is trying to say.

Sure, flying into the air does not actually change the meaning of the song, the set design can not overpower the words, and one tree or window won’t make or break the play, but each of these things dramatically changes the way you see it. Any form of art takes time and effort. I just always through plays came easily once they were already written.