:( I'm getting sad.

Today I wrote my essay on Grendel and it made me think about how “the end of man is knowledge.” That idea comes up throughout many of the books that we have studied this year, For example, All the Kings Men, Grendel, the Awakening, Hamlet, and many others. In Grendel, one of the main ideas is that power leads to destruction and eventually that power and destruction proves the fall of man is a result of too much knowledge. We studied this subject throughout many novels. In All the Kings Men Willie Stark gains tons of power and gets shot by a physician. Nobody likes him towards the end of the novel. In the awakening there is another display of power when Edna is beginning to discover life in the more self taught way she become to sure of herself and eventually loses out.

This idea is also very clearly seen Hamlet in the closing scene where Hamlet and the others are fighting with another. They all feel that they are stronger than their enemies and they feel that they can defeat the others. Gertrude switches the poisons and kills Claudius who planned to kill Hamlet. Hamlet kills Laeretes, and Gertrude kills herself by accidentally drinking the poison in celebration. Hamlet drinks the extra poison and falls to death. To me, this scene highlights the ideas planted into their society that power comes from physically being the most fitting for a win. Hamlet thinks he has power because he let himself get to him. He killed himself and he should have just lived. I mean what is the point in just defeating everyone and the vanishing?

It seems that this was the theme of literature this year. I’ve learned that schools think we can not learn unless each year has a theme. Like, sophmore year was all about conformity and crazy people between Lord of the Flies and the Catcher in the Rye. Junior year was about people not fitting in and how hard people try to fit into society with The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin and The Scarlet Letter. Why does every year have a theme? It is so strange.

Oh my goodness, Ms. Clinch. THIS IS MY LAST BLOG EVER! I love you. Thank you for being such an awesome teacher. Thank you for writing countless recommendation letters, helping with tons of essays, and for always being so understanding throughout the years. Thank you for coming to the art show. That meant so much to us art kids. I am so happy I got to have you for two years. You have taught me more than just literature these two years--- I am so thankful for all of the life lessons you have shown me throughout the years and for all of the support you give to the entire class. Your class is such a positive environment and I really value that. It makes everything so much less stressful. Thank you so much for everything. <3

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I have been thinking about the AP Literature exam since you just gave them back to us and considering the fact that the test is next week. AHHH!!! :) yay! I got a three on my exam. I think it is because I got fives on all of my exams. I really need to get those up because then I could get a four. If I could get six or seven’s on my essays maybe I could be not at a three on the exam. I found that it was much harder to answer the prose passage because I was not used to them anymore. There was a point where I felt that the poetry ones were harder but now it’s the other way around. The poetry ones are so much easier because I feel that there is actually something to analyze. I feel like the prose passages are just parts of movies or something. Sometimes I find it difficult to find any literary merit in the passages chosen. During my essays for the prose passages I tend to summarize way too much. I already summarize too much but I think in prose passages I feel like I have nothing else to talk about.

The thing I need to work on most is not falling into summary too much. I always think I need to explain parts of the passage but I really do not need to do that. My writing would be so much stronger if I could avoid so much summary in my writing. I think I need to implant it into my brain that summary is not necessary.

The multiple choice part is easy but after a while it becomes difficult to comprehend the passages because there are so many of them. Also, sometimes it feels like the passages are far too unrelated to the questions. I guess that means that I just need to read more deeply into the passage and analyze the phrasing and word usage, not the plot.

I feel so ready for this test! I am going to destroy it. Your class has prepared me for everything and I do not think I could be any better prepared after the practice exam. I know what I need to fix and what has to be done to get the score I desire. I am so excited that there is only a couple more days until the exam because then we get to have fun with you the rest of the time! I’m excited for the AP lit feast! Can we bring another piñata?

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“The Importance of Being Earnest” is quite hilarious. I adore the satire in his play because the satire really draws the audience in. It’s sort of getting annoying how everyone in AP Lit can quote something from every piece of work we read.  From this play it is “Now to minor matters, are your parents living?” Why are we so able to quote so much? This quote seems to be really important to the feel on the entire play. I believe that Wilde feels that the people of the upper class are much too focused on the things that do not truly matter.

In Act 3, all of Algy and Jacks bunburrying is revealed in a hilarious way. I love all of the Victorian “wars” over bread and whatnot. Not only does Wilde successfully make the audience laugh, he also achieves the truth of the time period as well. I love how Cecily and Gwendolyn act towards each other. I find it quite hilarious how they are forced to act when they are not getting along with each other. I loved how the two girls figured out the truth about “being Earnest”. The parts about the men being christened were very important because the whole idea of the fresh purified baptisms/ christening to rid themselves of their given names to give them a fake name is ironic because it would just create a piled on fake name with no value in their lives. Everything is so opposite.

Now, I don’t have anything more to say about the play. I was working on my writing portfolio today and I have really really changed as a writer, especially if you can get passed the fact that I hardly go into enough depth about the passages prepared for us. I did improve on many things though. I have learned to improve my abilities to expand my ideas of the passage and how I feel about it. In the beginning of the year I tended to use phrases such as “the poem said…”  like really Marie? What the heck? So now, I do nor do that so often which is improvement. So I guess that is good. Grr. Ms Clinch… I so want to point out how much you have made me socially awkward as well as just in general; awkward. I am watching stupid Disney channel with my sisters and I keep pointing out really obnoxious allusions. I do not think I could be friends with me. At prom I was doing the same thing. Anyone who is not in AP Lit does not understand!

Poems or something.

This week what has caught my attention the most in class was today’s poem by John Donne. I really like the metaphysical style of the work. It is interesting to me because it sounds less like a song ad more like a deep thought as you read the lines. As you said, these poems really make you have to think. The poem today used an extended metaphor of finances and money. He looked at love in terms of finance, which, I am pretty sure, was not done often. The writers of this motion would use words and phrases that make the reader question the meaning.

Collette, Andrea, Maggie, and Allie really made class interesting today with that lovely Hamlet video! I can not wait to see Reuben’s! I only wish I had made a video! Haha. Give them a 100000000. because #40000dollarsisalot.

Now I will analyze some poetry or something.   I choose “The Apparition”   by John Donne.

When by thy scorn, O murd'ress, I am dead 

         And that thou think'st thee free 

From all solicitation from me, 

Then shall my ghost come to thy bed, 

And thee, feign'd vestal, in worse arms shall see; 

Then thy sick taper will begin to wink, 

And he, whose thou art then, being tir'd before, 

Will, if thou stir, or pinch to wake him, think 

         Thou call'st for more, 

And in false sleep will from thee shrink; 

And then, poor aspen wretch, neglected thou 

Bath'd in a cold quicksilver sweat wilt lie 

         A verier ghost than I. 

What I will say, I will not tell thee now, 

Lest that preserve thee; and since my love is spent, 

I'had rather thou shouldst painfully repent, 

Than by my threat'nings rest still innocent.

The poem is about being rejected by your love.  He feels that he is being rejectedfrom someone that is not

 as great as he is. Like he is better and she is crazy to not go for it. Te first lines create the idea that he is 

dead, lost, confused and the girl “thinkst” free.  He writes “From all solicitation from me, Then shall my ghost 

come to thy bed” meaning that after all your pleading then the ghost will come to the 

bedside. The ghost, I thinks is sorta like the girls conscience following her and making her miserable. In the

 next lines he talks about how the “sick taper will begin to wink” which reminds me of death. The next three 

line are the guy getting tired of her horridness. The next lines, “And then, poor aspen wretch, neglected thou,

 Bath’d in a cold quicksilver sweat wilt lie” are saying that energy has just run out the aspen is neglected, he 

has given up. There is nothing left but cold disregard. The shift is in the last quatrain. Here Donne talks about 

how he has spent his love on her and he has no love left for her.

HAMLET AND ANATOMY? WHAT?!!!

I have been noticing so many Hamlet refrences in everyday life it almost makes me crazy. I was watching Grey's Anatomy this weekend and I noticed many sayings from Hamlet in Grey's Anatomy! In the episode Izze and george had sex and that was something they regretted because George and Calliope are newly married and they care deeply for eachother. They continue to fight for days. During one of the confrontational fights. Izzie tries to convince George that their little adventure was not a shameful, bad thing. George dissagre's and says "I'm going to hold my tongue" because he cares so much for Callie. I thought this was very strange.
There is also a Hamlet refrence in "The Lion King." Simba is like Hamlet. Simba is born to be the sucessor King and he can not deny his duties. Hamlet and Simba are both carefree in the beginning but as they realize their duties they become more serious. Simba acts as a child would and then, later on, he realizes that he must assume duties after the loss of his father, as does Hamlet. Hamlet is completley enthrawled in discovering the truth. Mufasa is King Hamlet. Scar is like Claudius because they are both undesired and they are the antagonists of the plot. Scar does everything that he can to prevent Simba from succeeding. Actually, he does this to basically everyone. Claudius does this too. For example, Claudius sends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to spy and get information from Hamlet. Both characters are the enemy of the main character. Claudius murders King Hamlet by poisoning him in the ear and Scar murders Musafa by pushing him down from the hill and let the wildebeest stamp on Musafa and kill him. Claudius is killed with poison! Woah! In the end of both stories, the villains both are killed in the same exact way they tried to harm other people that they are supposed to look up to. Claudius is forced to drink the poison he prepares for Hamlet, while Scar falls off the cliff and gets killed by the folk of hyenas. The deaths are so similair!

Nala is Ophelia, sweet and daring. Nala and Simba have a cute relation similar to that of Ophelia and Hamlet. The only difference is that they do not really get angry with eachother.
I also noticed that when Mufasa is still ruling pride rock is and sunny and bright and when scar rules(or tries to) it becomes dark and gloomy. This also happens in Hamlet. When Claudius takes over it becomes dark and gloomy. just as it does in Lion king.
Also, Is "whos the fairest of them all?" evolved from Hamlet or was that just a common phrase of the time period?

OH MY GOODNESS.

       This week we focused on timed writings and how to improve them. I wrote one essay  and got a "see me" and then that day in class you asked us to write a paragraph on a new topic. When i got that one back i magically got a 7 something. I was amazed. So, i have been working on my actual essays re-write. I have been basically been doing the same thing as what i did when i rewrote a chunk of paragraph. If you focus on particular words and themes in that section only you begin to go further in depth. It is amazing! thank you so much for that activity we had to do.    
        Now, since i don't really have anything to talk about i will talk about my weekend. I went on a church retreat  and we played this game guys vs. girls about who knew more about the other. The guys were convinced they knew more about us girls and that they were superior. this of course, made me think of Hamlet. Hamlet thinks that men are superior to women. In the nunnery scene Hamlet treats Ophelia like a joke. He pushes her around and tells her lies that just mess with her head. This later drives her to madness. Also, during this game, the guys had a question to name three of the disney princesses and it made me remember the social commentaries and the psychological thingamajigs we studied in the beginning of the year. I thought it was funny that you have forever corrupted my brain with you AP Lit stuff. Now i have this dang AP Lit brain and people constantly think i am a weirdo.  oh well. I will live... I guess. maybe. hmm. I was not the only one on this retreat that kept quoting Hamlet. Harper and austin were quoting it like it was their job. haha. i am positive people wanted to punch us so badly. My friends kept yelling at me. I hope their are plenty of nerds in college.  
      I am really excited to learn about sonnets. I like how they can be structured but not feel structured at all. okay.... i quit. I have to tell you how thankful i am for the letter of recommendation you wrote me. Thanks to you i have gotten scholarships for two of three schools and i have not even heard from that third school. You must have written s great letter. So thank you. so much. I GOT INTO MY DREAM SCHOOL! Kansas City Art Institute likes me! they really really like me! :) eeeeek thank you so much.

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Today we watched the end of the play. You have sort of taught us to be directors so I’ve decided that I am going to blog about how differently I would have done the last scenes of the play. I think that even though that last parts of the play were meant to be dramatic that they shouldn’t have been “overdone” like they were. I mean when hamlet and Laertes are fighting each other I would have imagined only the people involved to actually be there. I would have put the rest of the cast or people or whatever outside the room spying since that seems to be how everyone is. Everyone is a follower and everyone likes to be a part of something they are not. Spying/ eavesdropping just seem to fit. Gertrude drinks the poison as a toast to Hamlets winning which seems to be played out perfectly in the Branau version. The looks on everyone’s faces were perfect and the emotion was just right.

The two more horrible parts of the end of the movie were the part were that chandelier acted as a wrecking ball. That was just completely too humorous and not right for the play at all. Then when Fortinbras’s army came in it was just funny because they just kind of stepped all over Hamlet and his all of the dead people. The army sort of walks all over all of the emotions that the director spends so long building up and I just think that the entrance and how he went about bringing them back in could have gone differently.

This play was not enjoyable at first. I think it is mostly because in the beginning it was really very hard to understand all of Shakespeare’s different styles and how they all come together. All of the words with many meanings and ideas made it overwhelming at times. I have been re reading the acts from the beginning more because I can now notice more themes and ideas that I could not catch onto before which is cool. I think I like the play more now that I’m reading it more clearly. I think my favorite scene was crazy singing Ophelia swcene because there is so much to analyze and so much is revealed in that scene. I think that the mad/madness theme really shows up clearly at this point. Also, the nunnery scence was great too. I think I just like it because I think Cammily and Reuben are really good at being Hamlet and Ophelia. Haha. When I typed in Cammily’s name it auto corrected to Clammily. Oh my, that’s great.

Something.

Hamlet is really, really repetitive. It is quite obvious that it is written like that for a reason though. As we discussed, one of the common motifs is seems vs. is. Shakespeare wants us to notice the issues that are brought up through conversation. Oftentimes Hamlets soliloquy’s show his feelings towards something but then is explained differently through the conversations he has with others, making seems vs is automatically pop into your head.

I think it is really interesting how Shakespeare wrote all of the lines to sort of have a double meaning. The characters say some things but the really mean another, for example, the part where Hamlet is talking to Gertrude about common. She says” Seek for thy noble father in the dust./ Thou know’st ’tis common. All that lives must die,/ Passing through nature to eternity.” Hamlet responds with “Ay, madam, it is common.” Like… sure it happens all of the time. Gertrude wonders why it “seems” so important to Hamlet. He does not know what she means by seems. He goes all crazy and freaks out and says Seems,” madam? Nay, it is. I know not “seems.”/ These indeed “seem,”/For they are actions that a man might play./ But I have that within which passeth show,/  These but the trappings and the suits of woe.”, basically saying that nothing is ever what you think. They are never really how they SEEM. Which leads me too my favorite lesson of the week….the plays we did. My group had the part where Hamlet finds out that the king and Polonius are there halfway through. I liked how you told us that the whole feeling you get from the play can be changed just by how the director interprets it. To me that entire lesson was about the different ways actors, actresses, directors, and the viewers interpret things and what impact different movements can make. It was interesting to see what everyone thought each scene was. In our class almost everyone guessed the scenes right. We liked the one where Hamlet never notices. I think that this way works the best with the idea of the scene and how Ophelia acts and feels towards Hamlet. In the first play, the group with noble and whoever else, Hamlet notices right away and they portrayed the scene perfectly. It just shows me that people have different ways of making different viewpoints work towards the play. The first group definitely did the scene justice.

I really loved the plays. It was so much fun to act out the scenes and it makes them a lot more memorable. It makes “close reading” a lot more entertaining. Plus, it was really cool to see how all of my classmates interpret things.

Men, Water, and Christmas.

On Thursday I went to Metamorphoses and I loved it. At first I doubted whether I would like it or not because I do not really know much about Greek mythology but as it turns out, I knew more than I thought. I loved how they used the pool and how we got to sit on stage. It made the play that much more incredible to watch. I wanted so badly to have my camera and those gorgeous girls coming out of the water for a photo shoot. Grr. What a lovely thing.

Anyway, the playwright and the actors involved portrayed king Midas and his story perfectly. I liked the modern twist on the way he treated his family. The girl who played the daughter was really funny. King Midas was spot on as well.

What was really cool about the play was that each person had multiple characters and parts to play. My favorite was when Hunger was involved because that actress did really well. It was really great to see all of people acting as many things. What was really cool was seeing allusions from Greek mythology in present day movies and books.

The story of Midas reminds me of ELF because Walter ignores buddy and It takes until the end of the story for Walter to realize how much he cares for buddy. Even though Walter does not turn everything he touches into gold, he does neglect everything he has for his work, which is what Midas ultimately does. It takes him a really long time and lots of hurt to finally realize how important family is.

Overall, the play was amazing and I loved it. Thank you for suggesting that we go! It was great!

I really like how we are reading Hamlet.  It really helps discussing literature like this as a class. I really like to hear how others think of whatever it is that we are reading. Everyone see’s everything so differently. This was true especially when we were discussing Hamlets mental “state” (hahahaha) IS he mad? Or does he just SEEM mad? What are Hamlets thoughts? I sort of feel like this is like “All the Kings Men”  because Hamlet knows too much and as we all know “the end of man is knowledge” I think Hamlet knows too much to be considered sane.

 Today when I was paraphrasing the “to be or not to be” speech I noticed how “seems vs is” is interwoven into every other theme we have noticed.  There is a lot of “state” and societal themes all focusing around that one phrase. Shakespeare is truly a genius.

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Today when we read Hamlet you had Jonathon and Viki go up and act out the scene where Ophelia is explaining what had just happened between her and Hamlet. You told Jonathon to take of his shoe and scruff himself up. Viki just stood there like the gorgeous creature she is. Honestly at this point I thought you were crazy. I wondered why you felt acting this out was necessary. How could this scene change our views of the play? I was unsure of how his could possibly be important.

So as the scene played out Viki stood there just like beautiful Ophelia. Jonathon stood there in his thoughts and stared too as if she is some rare being. He stared. He held her. Then he sighed. I wondered if he was crazy. And then our class had the discussion. Is Hamlet crazy or is her acting. IS he crazy or does he just SEEM crazy? I believe he is not crazy because he warns people that he might be acting crazy for a while but to not mention what had happened. I think that he has just seen the ghost of his father and he is just reacting in whichever way he thinks he is supposed to react.

Hamlet reminds me of a character in a book I’m reading now because they both let everyone and their actions shape how they are supposed to be. I’m reading looking for Alaska and even though this story does not follow the same plotline as Hamlet, the characters are still similar. Pudge and Hamlet both have a beautiful girl that, at times, seems impossible to get. They both start acting crazy because their friends are near and they shape them into that. The events that are happening lead them to question who they are until they start acting completely crazy. In the novel, Pudge, who is not pudgy at all, gets taped together and thrown into the lake by his enemies at his new school. This event is similar to when Hamlet see’s his father because for Pudge fitting in was the only thing that mattered. He was quiet before boarding school. He never used to get revenge. It was like he did not even know what revenge was. But, this boarding school and this event had taught him what boarding school was. As for Hamlet his father being gone was really on his mind. Hamlet was lost after this event. Completely opposite to what he was before, like Pudge. So not completely alike but pretty close. Both of these characters are easily shaped and have some huge crazy thing happens that changes who they are.

I really wish I had gone to Metamorphoses this weekend because I would have made such a great blog about it. I am so glad that they have more shows! That’s so exciting and I can’t wait. BEWARE: metamorphoses blog coming soon!

Cain, Claudius, and Fiances! Oh my!

Okay, well today has been rough so this probably will stink. My friend Bri called me earlier today and told me that her friend Katie was murdered. The murderer was the girls own fiancé, which made me think of the story of Cain and Able, because they were family. In this case, they were almost a family. WHY DO FAMILY MEMBERS MURDER FAMILY MENBERS? It is horrible. How can brothers kill brothers and husbands kill wives? It is horrible and way to common, which leads me to another example where family members kill family members, Hamlet. I remember that in Hamlet Claudius, Hamlets uncle, poisons his father just to become king. People will do anything to be more powerful that the person above them. Gross.

            Now, on a happier note… I was watching the Kardashians prove how stupid they are this morning on T.V. Keeping up with the Kardashians is so lame. I was thankful for you and all of the lovely things you have taught us over the years. Seriously. Thank you for shaping so semi-smart human beings.  J J J Can smileys count as words?

            Okay, now to analyze something. Oh yay. I feel like analyzing some words from my favorite hermit.

I had no time to hate

By: Emily Dickinson

I had no time to Hate --
Because
The Grave would hinder Me --
And Life was not so
Ample I
Could finish -- Enmity --

Nor had I time to Love --
But since
Some Industry must be --
The little Toil of Love --
I thought
Be large enough for Me --

The first three lines are Emily Dickinsons way of saying that she had no time to hate because death would come soon and it is not really logical to spend her life focusing on hate and all of the emotions that go along with hate. Life is not long enough to “finish” hate. Then in the second stanza, she is saying that she does not have to love either. She does say thought that she must do something. “Some industry must be” possible to partake in. She writes that the “little Toil of Love” is large enough for her, though she is clearly doubtful about embracing life with death so near, she does realize that she must face the normal aspects of life.  I think it is significant that toil and love are uppercase. Toil, usually meaning struggle or difficult, is capitalized to show how Emily Dickinson feels about love. Love is also written in uppercase to show that the two feelings go together.

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Well, I do not know what to blog about considering the fact that I was only in class for one day this week. So… sorry if this post is not up to par. I really want to grow as a writer this semester. I mean I believe that I am a decent writer, but my formal writing style needs some attention. Also, I need to figure out a way to annotate without only focusing on annotating because oftentimes I get distracted with making sure I have enough annotations, which, ends up hurting me rather than helping me.

Over the break I read White Oleander written by Janet Fitch for the 345938096^th time and each time I fall in love with it more. The story is about a mother and a daughter who face the world fearlessly, until the mother, Ingrid, murders her boyfriend. Her daughter Astrid, is left moving in and out of several foster homes throughout her high school life. At first she is lost because she and her mother were used to doing everything together. I fell in love with this novel because it highlights the several problems certain families face and loneliness, as well as the human condition. I love Fitch’s writing style it’s really poetic and makes you think. I love authors who write like that. One of her favorite writers is Edgar Allen Poe. I thought that was interesting because she writes like he does and so does the poet in the novel, Ingrid. Like many authors, Janet Fitch put a little bit of herself in her characters. The poet is the character that reflects Fitch’s personality the most obviously. They both value literature. They both are writers.

Last month I read this book seriously like five times. I had to rip it up and make art out of it so I would not read it again. Then I bought another one. Yikes! Basically, this is me asking me for new books to read. Books about anything would be nice. I don’t even care anymore. I just want to read anything but White Oleander again. I get attached to certain books and have no way of growing unattached until I read another book that is equally touching. It’s become a problem. J Grr. I’m such a nerd. Thanks Ms Clinch. Oh well, I love being an AP Lit nerd. It has become very rewarding. Plus, our class is so great.

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This week and last week we have been reading Frankestien. I was talking to some friends and we decided that the monster in Frankenstein and Grendel are quite alike. Well, at least in the beginning of their lives. Grendel is heavily reliant on his mother in the early stages of his life. So is the monster that Victor created. Victors monster has no mother. Victor left him with nothing. Now, he is confused and lost.

I can not tolerate Victor Frankenstein. I just can not believe that he would create something to feel less alone and then leave it there to figure out things out for itself. It leads the monster to be an even bigger monster due to the lack of guidance. Its just not okay.

            In my research for the seminar I discovered that Mary grew up without a mother. Also, her firstborn child died soon after it was born. She only had one son that actually made it into childhood. Her novels reflect this and her relationships with the people that surround her.

Okay, this blog is going no where. I’m going to analyze a poem now. Hmmm. I choose… 

In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd ;

Petals on a wet, black bough.

— Ezra Pound

I know that we have discussed this, but after working on my poetry notebook I notice so many new things. I was looking up Ezra Pound for my poetry notebook and I suddenely remembered this poem. I looked up an article on modern American poetry website and I saw an entry from pound about being in France and getting off of the metro at La Concorde and seeing so many beautiful faces and not knowing how to express this. “And so, when I came to read Kandinsky’s chapter on the language of form and colour, I found little that was new to me. I only felt that someone else understood what I understood, and had written it out very clearly. It seems quite natural to me that an artist should have just as much pleasure in an arrangement of planes or in a pattern of figures, as in painting portraits of fine ladies, or in portraying the Mother of God as the symbolists bid us.” (Ezra Pound) He took a much more visual approach to this poem than he had for any of his others.

I actually really liked Grendel. I think it is interesting how he goes from cynical young Grendel to grown up Grendel. In the beginning he believes “I alone exist” he is the only one. In the end though, he see’s that there are people and they have differences. The Grendel timeline we made in class was really helpful. I loved to see his evolution

Well, since I talked about Grendel a lot in my last blog, I want to to talk about my choice novel, “the Memory Keepers Daughter” It was so symbolic and true. I think it should replace the awakening because it tells a similar story. Also, it is much more familiar and recent. It is much more relatable. I find it hard to read a novel dated so far back to where the novel is far back  in time.

I really liked my choice novel this week. It was sort of like the awakening because the main character Norah trusts her husband and she is betrayed by him. He tells her that their baby girl has died.  Actually, he just did not want to accept that Pheobe had downs Syndrome. It was not very easy to deal with in the 60’s. Norah does not let it go like David wants her to. Just like in the Awakening when Edna does not listen to her husband. Instead she roams free. As does Norah. Norah and Edna both do not know how to handle their grief and loneliness that they both have affairs and exclude themselves.

Caroline and Pheobe are a match made in heaven, Though they are completely different. They understand each other. Pheobe reminds me of a little bit of Grendel and a little bit of Edna. Pheobe is like Grendel in the way that she see’s everything with such simplicity. She is also a bit like Edna because she wants to stray away from what she is supposed to do and how she is supposed to live. She does not want to live like every other person with Downs. She wants to get married and have a family. She has a job and a place to live. She does not understand why she can’t live like everyone else.

This novel was beautifully written. It displays a modern day take on the roles and expectations of men and women. This story starts out in the beginning of the 1960’s and progresses to the late 80’s. It is a wonderful story of truth and discovery.

mondays blog.11/21

Today in the seminar we talked about the relationship between Grendel and Beowulf, As well as Grendel and the dragon. Camily said something about Macbeth and noble mentioned the bear. We talked about whether or not Grendel is good or bad. He is doing things for himself that help him survive and the humans are doing the same thing.  The problem is that what Grendel does to help himself might be a problem for the humans and vice versa. It is not that they harm each other, they do, but it is also the fat that they do not help each other. They have different definitions of good and bad.

Also, some people were conflicted as to whether or not they liked Grendel. I like him. He is childish and naïve. He has this nihilistic idea that teenagers mostly have. He even says “I alone exist” He is also fatalistic to because he believes that the world is meaningless and mechanical. A fatalist believes that there is no purpose and that the world hates them As if the world was a being but it is not.

Grendel says “poor Grendel had an accident” and then says “so may you all”. Grendel is quietly letting the world know that they might mess up to. They should not follow the same path that Grendel took. He is subtly warning them that the way he was living was not the right way, but also hinting that there is no right way. He was defeated. He can not go back now.

My Grendel bible is completely destroyed. I think you would be really really proud of me. (While I was writing that I spelled really wrong, so I guess you would not be proud of me.) hhhhmmmm. There are messy notes all over it and all over the pages in the back of my book with all of the faces. My friends think I am crazy because of how many notes I take for each topic and discussion. This is usually when I inform them that AP Lit is for nerds and we are all nerds. Why don’t we just take our notes and bring out the nerd that lives within all of us.

I’m really excited to finish my outside reading book. I LOVE READING. On Friday night my friend and I spent three hours in Barnes and Noble and we both ran to our favorite books. He ran to “to kill a mockingbird” and then I told him that he is a nerd. I, of course, went straight to Beouwulf! Haha no. Just kidding. White Oleander, paper towns, and One Flew over the Kukoos Nest are my favorite books. Gosh why do you make us so nerdy? I spent my Friday night  at a bookstore… oh my.

I am...

The other day one of my friend excitedly told me that it is almost Christmas and my response was “OH MY GOODNESS. COLLEGE CRAP IS DUE SOON. I’M GOING TO DIE. WHAT IF I DON’T GET IN?” Later that day, my mom asked me how my job was going. As usual, I complained about how much working stinks. Oftentimes I forget about the possibility that maybe the world isn’t out to get me. I guess you could call me a fatalist. I seem to always come to the conclusion that everyone is going to be defeated and fail. Everything is trying to fail me. I believe that the fate of man is eventual despair and failure. Sometimes I think I’m one of the biggest teenagers ever. I am always negative. In Grendel, I have noticed that he is a bit like this too. For example when he sticks his middle finger up at the sky and when hoe doubts practically everything he comes near.

 I always see the negative side. I am a pessimist. I think it is because I crave the truth. My outlook has been shifting lately though. I have been a small group leader for a couple months now and as I am teaching those kids, they are teaching me. I’m starting to lean more towards determinism, or the belief that everything happens due to some other previous event. If you think about life in that way it becomes very truthful. Everything that happens occurs for a reason. God does not face you with a challenge that is meant to defeat you.

I’m learning that maybe my negativity is just over exaggeration of the truth. Maybe I see things this way so I can change the views if others and shed a more positive light in people’s life. I like to call myself an artist and a person. But I do not think that is possible. Artists are weird and usually negative. But hey, if I can use it to help others then that is wonderful. Maybe I’m supposed to use all of this random talent that god has given me and make it art or at least something. Use all of this to my advantage and benefit others. I think I am supposed to take my disaster and make it art.

Milk, Funerals, and Murder

Today during the seminar, we talked about Beowulf.  What will happen now that Beowulf is no longer living? Is Wiglaf going to be the next hero? Is it possible for the society to be peaceful again? Is there a new dragon? As I said in the seminar, I believe that Wiglaf will be the next ruler. Beowulf set forth a good blueprint for how things should go in the future. Everyone honored him. He was trusted keen, kind, and brave. They valued that. At the end of the poem, Wiglaf is leading Beowulfs funeral. He is saying all of the nice words and the powerful phrases about him. This is significant because it foreshadows the possibility of Wiglaf leading the Geats in the future. Woah! I am watching White Oleander and I just realized that Allison Lohman plays Ursula in Beowulf the movie! How strange. White Oleander is a beautiful novel by Janet fitch. You would be proud pf me. I go on youtube and tell people to stop watching the movie and go read the book because it is so much better as the book. It is so incredible because it is worded so beautifully. I have read it several times and each time I just casn not put it down. It never fails to leave me wonderstruck alone in my room. It always takes me away and I get so lost in the story. Oh wow. I am thinking about it again. Crap. Anyway, What I am trying to say is that Beowulf has well trained his people to survive. They have everything they need. They just have to follow in his example.

What got me most about the poem was the biblical references to the story of Cain and Abel. It was an interesting connection in my opinion because Cain is compared to Grendel. In Genesis 4:1-16 Cain kills Abel and tries to say he did not but Grendel kills everyone. Cain was the first murderer but Grendel is not. I think it was a good connection and thought, but I just think that it was not completely suiting. Cain says to the lord “My punishment is greater than I can bear.” I am positive that Grendel does not feel that way until .5 seconds before Beowulf grasps him just a little too tightly. Cain regrets his actions really quickly and he is not a a threat to others. The main thing the two had in common was that it was not acceptable to kill in their societies. In Cain’s society, it had not really been thought of and in Grendels society; they had a strict culture with rules and ways of doing things. In both of these people’s cases, they started something terrible, murder, war, and disorder.

Something

This time of year always reminds me of the past. I remember the times when I would walk door to door asking for candy.  This year my friends and I put together a haunted house. Each kid was not a princess, witch, or superman this year. My AP Lit brain has taken over. Something inside me kept saying “analyze that character” and “look into the costume.” When I did that there were stories and views on life that had to be assumed. When I saw a princess I had to think of Cinderella and the psycho-analysis we did in class. Thanks Ms Clinch.

Friday’s seminar really got me thinking. At one point we were talking about whether or not Edna was a good mother. I believe she was because her kid’s life is probably a lot better and less stressful without her. She would have caused them to not have that mother figure they desire at such a young age and when you know your mom just does not want that it would be almost impossible to be okay with yourself. Also, she would have caused them to worry about her later on in life. She is not the mother figure that is helpful. It is definitely horrible to have a mother alive that is not present or caring for you instead of have a dead one, especially if the expectation of a mother was to provide for the children.

Poetry notebooks excite me. Today I read “Fairyland” by Edgar Allen Poe.  I really liked this line

“Again- again- again-

          Every moment of the night-

          Forever changing places-

          And they put out the star-light

          With the breath from their pale faces.

          About twelve by the moon-dial,

          One more filmy than the rest

          (A kind which, upon trial,

          They have found to be the best)”

What sticks out to me most about Poe is his ability to ad style and a sense of discovery through simply the structure of the poem. The way he uses repetition really adds the main idea of the poem. The dashes like the ones at the end of dial faces light and so on indicate a pause in between the two lines of the poem. The parenthesis at the end of this stanza that explain the previous description capture what that part of the poem was aiming to portray.

 I just love poetry. Poets amaze me with just about everything. I like the way they have a gift to go off such a small personal Idea and make it bugger. Everything they want to say can be explained in a couple of words on a page. Poets are lovely artists.

Music

My friend Ally Rhodes released an album on itunes today. So. I’m writing this blog 

in honor of her. One of the songs on her album is called gray it is about a lost love

 that she wishes were still happy and flowing. This song talks about how she

 wishes she “were still [his] favorite song” and that regardless of how long it’s been 

that she has not “faded to gray”. She sings that she notices “ashes where there used 

to be a fire” meaning that she see’s a loss of interest where there used to be flames 

and passion. Desire. Then she wonders if it was her that “smothered” his “glow”. 

Usually, when someone smothers the glow of a fire the light goes out and the night ends. 

I think this is saying that she feels she ended the relationship, killed the spark. 

One of the verses is 

“I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in

I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in”

When she says “Throwing melodies to the wind” she is hoping that somehow he will hear her again or that the melodies she sings with all the things he loves will draw him back in. this part of the song is repeated to show importance and desperation towards his return.

“I know it's quite the imposition

But if you had seen my condition

I think you'd understand why I couldn't stay

I hope i'm still your favorite song”

Right here she talks about how she knows it was a burden how it ended but she hopes he understands. If he had seen her in the state she was in he might have understood that she did it for him.

The timed writing today about the student and the teacher reminds me of this song because of the line that said

“Over this damp grave I speak the words of my love:
I, with no rights in this matter,
Neither father nor lover.”

Because in the song I feel that she is not quite sure of the state of their relationship.. Is she still his favorite song? And in the poem he questions what he was to Jane. He was not her father no lover. He had no recognition at the funeral or on the “tombstone”. He was not her anything. And he is just one of the people grieving. He wont get kind words “sorry for your loss” because to him, she was simply a sparrow. And to her he was just a teacher.