alkgd'as;'ooiet

This week and last week we have been reading Frankestien. I was talking to some friends and we decided that the monster in Frankenstein and Grendel are quite alike. Well, at least in the beginning of their lives. Grendel is heavily reliant on his mother in the early stages of his life. So is the monster that Victor created. Victors monster has no mother. Victor left him with nothing. Now, he is confused and lost.

I can not tolerate Victor Frankenstein. I just can not believe that he would create something to feel less alone and then leave it there to figure out things out for itself. It leads the monster to be an even bigger monster due to the lack of guidance. Its just not okay.

            In my research for the seminar I discovered that Mary grew up without a mother. Also, her firstborn child died soon after it was born. She only had one son that actually made it into childhood. Her novels reflect this and her relationships with the people that surround her.

Okay, this blog is going no where. I’m going to analyze a poem now. Hmmm. I choose… 

In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd ;

Petals on a wet, black bough.

— Ezra Pound

I know that we have discussed this, but after working on my poetry notebook I notice so many new things. I was looking up Ezra Pound for my poetry notebook and I suddenely remembered this poem. I looked up an article on modern American poetry website and I saw an entry from pound about being in France and getting off of the metro at La Concorde and seeing so many beautiful faces and not knowing how to express this. “And so, when I came to read Kandinsky’s chapter on the language of form and colour, I found little that was new to me. I only felt that someone else understood what I understood, and had written it out very clearly. It seems quite natural to me that an artist should have just as much pleasure in an arrangement of planes or in a pattern of figures, as in painting portraits of fine ladies, or in portraying the Mother of God as the symbolists bid us.” (Ezra Pound) He took a much more visual approach to this poem than he had for any of his others.

I actually really liked Grendel. I think it is interesting how he goes from cynical young Grendel to grown up Grendel. In the beginning he believes “I alone exist” he is the only one. In the end though, he see’s that there are people and they have differences. The Grendel timeline we made in class was really helpful. I loved to see his evolution

Well, since I talked about Grendel a lot in my last blog, I want to to talk about my choice novel, “the Memory Keepers Daughter” It was so symbolic and true. I think it should replace the awakening because it tells a similar story. Also, it is much more familiar and recent. It is much more relatable. I find it hard to read a novel dated so far back to where the novel is far back  in time.

I really liked my choice novel this week. It was sort of like the awakening because the main character Norah trusts her husband and she is betrayed by him. He tells her that their baby girl has died.  Actually, he just did not want to accept that Pheobe had downs Syndrome. It was not very easy to deal with in the 60’s. Norah does not let it go like David wants her to. Just like in the Awakening when Edna does not listen to her husband. Instead she roams free. As does Norah. Norah and Edna both do not know how to handle their grief and loneliness that they both have affairs and exclude themselves.

Caroline and Pheobe are a match made in heaven, Though they are completely different. They understand each other. Pheobe reminds me of a little bit of Grendel and a little bit of Edna. Pheobe is like Grendel in the way that she see’s everything with such simplicity. She is also a bit like Edna because she wants to stray away from what she is supposed to do and how she is supposed to live. She does not want to live like every other person with Downs. She wants to get married and have a family. She has a job and a place to live. She does not understand why she can’t live like everyone else.

This novel was beautifully written. It displays a modern day take on the roles and expectations of men and women. This story starts out in the beginning of the 1960’s and progresses to the late 80’s. It is a wonderful story of truth and discovery.

mondays blog.11/21

Today in the seminar we talked about the relationship between Grendel and Beowulf, As well as Grendel and the dragon. Camily said something about Macbeth and noble mentioned the bear. We talked about whether or not Grendel is good or bad. He is doing things for himself that help him survive and the humans are doing the same thing.  The problem is that what Grendel does to help himself might be a problem for the humans and vice versa. It is not that they harm each other, they do, but it is also the fat that they do not help each other. They have different definitions of good and bad.

Also, some people were conflicted as to whether or not they liked Grendel. I like him. He is childish and naïve. He has this nihilistic idea that teenagers mostly have. He even says “I alone exist” He is also fatalistic to because he believes that the world is meaningless and mechanical. A fatalist believes that there is no purpose and that the world hates them As if the world was a being but it is not.

Grendel says “poor Grendel had an accident” and then says “so may you all”. Grendel is quietly letting the world know that they might mess up to. They should not follow the same path that Grendel took. He is subtly warning them that the way he was living was not the right way, but also hinting that there is no right way. He was defeated. He can not go back now.

My Grendel bible is completely destroyed. I think you would be really really proud of me. (While I was writing that I spelled really wrong, so I guess you would not be proud of me.) hhhhmmmm. There are messy notes all over it and all over the pages in the back of my book with all of the faces. My friends think I am crazy because of how many notes I take for each topic and discussion. This is usually when I inform them that AP Lit is for nerds and we are all nerds. Why don’t we just take our notes and bring out the nerd that lives within all of us.

I’m really excited to finish my outside reading book. I LOVE READING. On Friday night my friend and I spent three hours in Barnes and Noble and we both ran to our favorite books. He ran to “to kill a mockingbird” and then I told him that he is a nerd. I, of course, went straight to Beouwulf! Haha no. Just kidding. White Oleander, paper towns, and One Flew over the Kukoos Nest are my favorite books. Gosh why do you make us so nerdy? I spent my Friday night  at a bookstore… oh my.

I am...

The other day one of my friend excitedly told me that it is almost Christmas and my response was “OH MY GOODNESS. COLLEGE CRAP IS DUE SOON. I’M GOING TO DIE. WHAT IF I DON’T GET IN?” Later that day, my mom asked me how my job was going. As usual, I complained about how much working stinks. Oftentimes I forget about the possibility that maybe the world isn’t out to get me. I guess you could call me a fatalist. I seem to always come to the conclusion that everyone is going to be defeated and fail. Everything is trying to fail me. I believe that the fate of man is eventual despair and failure. Sometimes I think I’m one of the biggest teenagers ever. I am always negative. In Grendel, I have noticed that he is a bit like this too. For example when he sticks his middle finger up at the sky and when hoe doubts practically everything he comes near.

 I always see the negative side. I am a pessimist. I think it is because I crave the truth. My outlook has been shifting lately though. I have been a small group leader for a couple months now and as I am teaching those kids, they are teaching me. I’m starting to lean more towards determinism, or the belief that everything happens due to some other previous event. If you think about life in that way it becomes very truthful. Everything that happens occurs for a reason. God does not face you with a challenge that is meant to defeat you.

I’m learning that maybe my negativity is just over exaggeration of the truth. Maybe I see things this way so I can change the views if others and shed a more positive light in people’s life. I like to call myself an artist and a person. But I do not think that is possible. Artists are weird and usually negative. But hey, if I can use it to help others then that is wonderful. Maybe I’m supposed to use all of this random talent that god has given me and make it art or at least something. Use all of this to my advantage and benefit others. I think I am supposed to take my disaster and make it art.

Milk, Funerals, and Murder

Today during the seminar, we talked about Beowulf.  What will happen now that Beowulf is no longer living? Is Wiglaf going to be the next hero? Is it possible for the society to be peaceful again? Is there a new dragon? As I said in the seminar, I believe that Wiglaf will be the next ruler. Beowulf set forth a good blueprint for how things should go in the future. Everyone honored him. He was trusted keen, kind, and brave. They valued that. At the end of the poem, Wiglaf is leading Beowulfs funeral. He is saying all of the nice words and the powerful phrases about him. This is significant because it foreshadows the possibility of Wiglaf leading the Geats in the future. Woah! I am watching White Oleander and I just realized that Allison Lohman plays Ursula in Beowulf the movie! How strange. White Oleander is a beautiful novel by Janet fitch. You would be proud pf me. I go on youtube and tell people to stop watching the movie and go read the book because it is so much better as the book. It is so incredible because it is worded so beautifully. I have read it several times and each time I just casn not put it down. It never fails to leave me wonderstruck alone in my room. It always takes me away and I get so lost in the story. Oh wow. I am thinking about it again. Crap. Anyway, What I am trying to say is that Beowulf has well trained his people to survive. They have everything they need. They just have to follow in his example.

What got me most about the poem was the biblical references to the story of Cain and Abel. It was an interesting connection in my opinion because Cain is compared to Grendel. In Genesis 4:1-16 Cain kills Abel and tries to say he did not but Grendel kills everyone. Cain was the first murderer but Grendel is not. I think it was a good connection and thought, but I just think that it was not completely suiting. Cain says to the lord “My punishment is greater than I can bear.” I am positive that Grendel does not feel that way until .5 seconds before Beowulf grasps him just a little too tightly. Cain regrets his actions really quickly and he is not a a threat to others. The main thing the two had in common was that it was not acceptable to kill in their societies. In Cain’s society, it had not really been thought of and in Grendels society; they had a strict culture with rules and ways of doing things. In both of these people’s cases, they started something terrible, murder, war, and disorder.

Something

This time of year always reminds me of the past. I remember the times when I would walk door to door asking for candy.  This year my friends and I put together a haunted house. Each kid was not a princess, witch, or superman this year. My AP Lit brain has taken over. Something inside me kept saying “analyze that character” and “look into the costume.” When I did that there were stories and views on life that had to be assumed. When I saw a princess I had to think of Cinderella and the psycho-analysis we did in class. Thanks Ms Clinch.

Friday’s seminar really got me thinking. At one point we were talking about whether or not Edna was a good mother. I believe she was because her kid’s life is probably a lot better and less stressful without her. She would have caused them to not have that mother figure they desire at such a young age and when you know your mom just does not want that it would be almost impossible to be okay with yourself. Also, she would have caused them to worry about her later on in life. She is not the mother figure that is helpful. It is definitely horrible to have a mother alive that is not present or caring for you instead of have a dead one, especially if the expectation of a mother was to provide for the children.

Poetry notebooks excite me. Today I read “Fairyland” by Edgar Allen Poe.  I really liked this line

“Again- again- again-

          Every moment of the night-

          Forever changing places-

          And they put out the star-light

          With the breath from their pale faces.

          About twelve by the moon-dial,

          One more filmy than the rest

          (A kind which, upon trial,

          They have found to be the best)”

What sticks out to me most about Poe is his ability to ad style and a sense of discovery through simply the structure of the poem. The way he uses repetition really adds the main idea of the poem. The dashes like the ones at the end of dial faces light and so on indicate a pause in between the two lines of the poem. The parenthesis at the end of this stanza that explain the previous description capture what that part of the poem was aiming to portray.

 I just love poetry. Poets amaze me with just about everything. I like the way they have a gift to go off such a small personal Idea and make it bugger. Everything they want to say can be explained in a couple of words on a page. Poets are lovely artists.

Music

My friend Ally Rhodes released an album on itunes today. So. I’m writing this blog 

in honor of her. One of the songs on her album is called gray it is about a lost love

 that she wishes were still happy and flowing. This song talks about how she

 wishes she “were still [his] favorite song” and that regardless of how long it’s been 

that she has not “faded to gray”. She sings that she notices “ashes where there used 

to be a fire” meaning that she see’s a loss of interest where there used to be flames 

and passion. Desire. Then she wonders if it was her that “smothered” his “glow”. 

Usually, when someone smothers the glow of a fire the light goes out and the night ends. 

I think this is saying that she feels she ended the relationship, killed the spark. 

One of the verses is 

“I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in

I keep putting words on paper

Throwing melodies to the wind

Maybe I can bring you back

With the things that drew you in”

When she says “Throwing melodies to the wind” she is hoping that somehow he will hear her again or that the melodies she sings with all the things he loves will draw him back in. this part of the song is repeated to show importance and desperation towards his return.

“I know it's quite the imposition

But if you had seen my condition

I think you'd understand why I couldn't stay

I hope i'm still your favorite song”

Right here she talks about how she knows it was a burden how it ended but she hopes he understands. If he had seen her in the state she was in he might have understood that she did it for him.

The timed writing today about the student and the teacher reminds me of this song because of the line that said

“Over this damp grave I speak the words of my love:
I, with no rights in this matter,
Neither father nor lover.”

Because in the song I feel that she is not quite sure of the state of their relationship.. Is she still his favorite song? And in the poem he questions what he was to Jane. He was not her father no lover. He had no recognition at the funeral or on the “tombstone”. He was not her anything. And he is just one of the people grieving. He wont get kind words “sorry for your loss” because to him, she was simply a sparrow. And to her he was just a teacher.